Sunday, April 18, 2010

Nalulungkot ako. :(

Haiy. This day has something in it. i just do not know what it was. I do not really understand what made me sad.

The day was perfect, indeed. I woke up in the morning and prepared to watch a league basketball game in L and S subdivision (after telling my mom I would make a project there..., hey, at least, after watching the game, I had ideas for my reflection paper in Philosophy. ngee. palusot pa. haha.) After which, we went to Villa Teresa to make the project na, unfortunately, we just ate burgers (birthday ni Mike, one of my friends this college) and eventually, we played games such as basketball and badminton. I enjoyed the games. Really. And now, I just do not know what made me sad. Silly. I know. Foolish.

One of my friends has been telling mehis/her (to be safe po with the gender..) problem. I began pondering on what to advice him/her and upon thinking of a very good advice, I told him/her what I thought. Then, there began my sadness. Just now. Exactly now. 5:47 PM. I do not know why. Was it because I was affected because of his/her own thoughts and problems? Probably not. It must have been something else. Something from within me.

I asked myself a few things regarding my life to make an excellent philosophy reflection paper but as I searched my deepest self for things to express, I began being so historical of things I chose to suppress in the past. After watching that basketball game, after playing with my friends, after eating the cheeseburger, after advicing well, after thinking of a Philo paper, what made me feel sad? I don't know. Perhaps I was just overthinking of things or events in my life? Was I just looking for something else? Am I just tired? Or am I just being so pessimist?

I did not expect that at some point in this day would I feel such sadness. I have one theory I guess. I might just be overthinking of my Life, being incontent, looking for more, and searching for pieces that might not really have been there. YOu know the very famous times when you were searching for people to talk with, for people to cry on, for people to support you emotionally. Perhaps, today, I never found one, though I have been one. Today, the dark memories of my past, and the events I would never want to happen resurfaced.

Until, I came to realize... Just now, 5:54 PM, that I haven't been going to Mass for a few months now. Could this be the reason? Lack of spiritual nourishment. Maybe. Hopefully.

BEhind all of this sadness I have, still, I could still see some positive things. At least. I am not that nega naman. WHen I think of the many things that went wrong with my life, when I think of the many regrets and sorrows I have, when I think of the friends I lost, of the mistakes I have done, of the problems I have been struggling with, I realize that I am called to LIVE my life. TO be dynamic. To DO something to fix things. I see a major wake up call here. A call to heal the wounds of the past, to rethink my ways, to fix broken relationships, to face problems maturely, and to retrack back to way of righteous living: I see light beyond this dark, overwhelming darkness.

Nonetheless, this statement may be foolish. But I am somehow enjoying this sadness. Sometimes, PERHAPS, we have to feel sad. It will make us remain human. It will make us live our lives better. Voila to a life where we will see things move in the way we wish them to be, in a way that will make us even happier, more contented, more satisfied.

PS. I will still write more papers in Philosophy. :)
PSS. THanks for reading. haha. :) at least, my sadness was lessened after releasing it. :) or some of it. :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I am my Philosophy

One of the sweetest features of being a Nursing student is having "hot" summer classes. I am not being sarcastic here, but rather, I am trying to look at the brighter things of Life. Anyways, if I really want to become a nurse, then, I should have teh enthusiasm over all this, should I not? :) So much from these.

Summer classes started last April 12 (ehem.). Neglecting the other significance of the date, the school ambiance was just right: quiet and peaceful, relaxing, friends everywhere, and soothing (har.) But nonetheless, summer classes are not that boring at all (for me, at least), since you'll be having lots of fun in school with your classmates, new classmates, old classmates, friends, and more. It's how you make each day as exciting and as enjoying as a day in Bora that makes the difference. :)

One of the subjects I am taking up this summer is PHILOSOPHY, a subject that interests me equally well(p.s. Health Assessment and Physics will be given a special allocation in this blog too, only, I met Philosophy first. According to my schedule, that is.) It's a subject, err, a science, really, ahm, an art. Blah. Philosophy is something you just don't take to pass the summer semester. It's something one has to experience.

The summer semester is yet to unfold, and yet, I could tell, from the readings I have made, that Philosophy is something we have inside of us, but oftentimes we take it for granted. I have always asked myself the questions Philosophy is yet to answer: Who am I? Why am I here. Answering these questions with plain triviality is never answering the questions at all.

The challenge is set clear: We are our philosophy. Whatever our insights are, and how we use them is exactly what will define our humanity. Our being. Our existence. Take time to contemplate on what your insights are, how you would want to live your life, and begin to discover an indispensible truth: You are your Philosophy.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Lord, I'm Turning 18. Ü

Dear God,

Tomorrow, I'll be turning 18. Honestly, a lot of thoughts are running through my mind right now. Bleargh, Fear, joy, excitement. Thanks for all of the blessings you have generously lent me throughout my 17-year existence. You know very well that without you, I am nothing. With you, I am alive. What I was, am, and will be is solely because of you. Sorry for the million times I failed your will, I went aloft, I lived crookedly. Forgive me for my lack of faith, sense of greed, love of sin.

Thank you so much for my family. Mom, dad, bro. I know that at times, things don't come the way we planned them to be. At times, problems may plague us that our future seem vague and rusty, but still, I am thankful I have them. I love them so much, Lord. Take care of them always. :) Thank you for giving them to me to love, to hold, to cherish. Forever will I be in debt of their love and comfort.

Thank you for my relatives and friends. They have always been there for me throughout my life, ready to stretch their arms and reach for me when I need their help most. Thank you for those who still believe in me and love me despite my various imperfections. I love them too, like my family. Stay with them and guide them always. :) Though they are too many to mention, still, they know who they are, and they would always remain as valuable to me, as they were. No matter what.

Thank you, Lord for all of the people whom I have brushed elbows with as far as this day in my lifetime. Each has made his/her own significance even in the simplest ways. Bless them Lord, as they have represented you physically in my life. Grant them more vigor that they may bless people even more.

Thank you Lord, for this Life you have given me. I do not know whether I have given my best to what You have called me to do, but here's what I promise: I'll do even more to honor your will.

Grant me Lord, enough humility to go on with Life, to remember that I am here for a purpose, to remember that serving You is what I was called for. Humble my heart that I may be able to serve my fellow human beings always. :D

As I enter my "legal" age, guide me more in my words, thoughts, and actions. Help me be more responsible, more helpful, and more faithful to you. Help me remain who I am, but guide me as I try to shoo away my sins and negative attitudes, but again, let me remain the child who I was, only more mature. xp

Lastly, Lord, I pray for all who need Your love at this very moment: those who were affected by natural disasters and calamities, those who are in need of a family, those whose faith is shaken, those who are morally lost, those who have been praying hard for Your answers, those who are struggling with work and matters of everyday life, those who are first to experience this world's air and those who are wielding their last, those who are in doubt of your presence, those who would like to see a direction, those who are crying and those who are happy as well, and everyone else who needs a ray of your hope and kindness.

Thank you so much Lord, for EVERYTHING. :)

p.s.: Lord, classes for summer classes start tomorrow. Lord, Physics. Lord, Philosophy of the Human Person. Lord, Health Assessment. Lord, PHYSICS. Thank You talaga. :)


Monday, April 5, 2010

Finding Your Center

I find it amazing how many people who meditate after long hours of stress could still "find their centers" and rejuvinate. Whenever I try to meditate on my own, I also find my center. Right at the center of my bed. Hehe. Kidding aside, I really hoped I had that capacity to quiet down even in the most stressful of all moments.

Our emotions have to quiet down too. Oftentimes, when we feel our problems topple us down to our feet, or dump upon us like we were on a sandwich, we choose to suppress them and "stock" them down in the abyss of our memories. When was the last time you "emptied" yourself?

When our problems are all that matter, do we even try to seek out our "center"? By center I mean CHRIST. When our problems bring us down, do we ever seek for His help? Do we ask Him to come into our lives and make it easier for us?

This Easter, we are once again called to "rejuvinate" to set anew our lives as we rise from the graveyard called evil. Christ calls us to reunite with Him that we may remain fresh in His love and awe.

Today's world is filled with various elements that may lead us to lose our sight of our "center". Take time to troddle away from your worldly worries, lay your meditating mat, and pray. Seek out your Life's center. And witness miracles begin.

Happy Easter. :D