Can someone really experience a "dark" moment in his spirituality?
One of the many talks hosted by the university I am in was attended to by a priest who happened to be a scientist as well. His talk focused on moral theology and how Christians respond to the dynamism of the modern times. He made mention of Mother Theresa who, for 50 years, experienced a "dark" moment during her spirituality, where she prayed and held her faith firmly but she felt that "no one was there to listen".
Can we really experience such? Or is it a matter of personal perspective? Did Mother Theresa simply lack faith? Or is it the will of God that made her feel that way?
I could not deny that at some point in my spirituality, I have been experiencing "dark" moments too--when I feel no one seems to listen, or at least, I have this intention to reflect, ponder upon my thoughts, and clean my heart from the worldliness it has, but something holds me back. It scares me to end up like what Mother Theresa had experienced.
This Holy Week, I feel that way. I wanted to reflect, to seek out my soul, so have a quiet moment with God, a retreat for myself, but when I try to do so, something stops me from doing it. Is it the fear that no one might be listening? Is it the fear that whatever I do, I will still sin? I do not, really. But here's one thing I know. For sure.
When Jesus prayed at the Garden of Gethsemane, He sure had His darkest night. It seemed that no one listened. It seemed His words were never heard. Yes, His disciples cam with Him, but they fell asleep when they were there, leaving Him all alone. He prayed so hard, so fearfully, that his sweat was turned to blood.
If Jesus indeed felt this dark moment in His life, then we sure will feel it too, but I am sure He will not let us down. He sacrificed His own life for us to be loved--that alone is an assurance that He would always be here to listen. We simply have to hold on to our faith more firmly than ever, and surely, He will lead us to comfort.
Pray that when the darkest moments of your spirituality test you, you would remember His sweet words seconds before He was arrested: "let that the love you have with Me be with them and that I myself may be in them."