Haiy. This day has something in it. i just do not know what it was. I do not really understand what made me sad.
The day was perfect, indeed. I woke up in the morning and prepared to watch a league basketball game in L and S subdivision (after telling my mom I would make a project there..., hey, at least, after watching the game, I had ideas for my reflection paper in Philosophy. ngee. palusot pa. haha.) After which, we went to Villa Teresa to make the project na, unfortunately, we just ate burgers (birthday ni Mike, one of my friends this college) and eventually, we played games such as basketball and badminton. I enjoyed the games. Really. And now, I just do not know what made me sad. Silly. I know. Foolish.
One of my friends has been telling mehis/her (to be safe po with the gender..) problem. I began pondering on what to advice him/her and upon thinking of a very good advice, I told him/her what I thought. Then, there began my sadness. Just now. Exactly now. 5:47 PM. I do not know why. Was it because I was affected because of his/her own thoughts and problems? Probably not. It must have been something else. Something from within me.
I asked myself a few things regarding my life to make an excellent philosophy reflection paper but as I searched my deepest self for things to express, I began being so historical of things I chose to suppress in the past. After watching that basketball game, after playing with my friends, after eating the cheeseburger, after advicing well, after thinking of a Philo paper, what made me feel sad? I don't know. Perhaps I was just overthinking of things or events in my life? Was I just looking for something else? Am I just tired? Or am I just being so pessimist?
I did not expect that at some point in this day would I feel such sadness. I have one theory I guess. I might just be overthinking of my Life, being incontent, looking for more, and searching for pieces that might not really have been there. YOu know the very famous times when you were searching for people to talk with, for people to cry on, for people to support you emotionally. Perhaps, today, I never found one, though I have been one. Today, the dark memories of my past, and the events I would never want to happen resurfaced.
Until, I came to realize... Just now, 5:54 PM, that I haven't been going to Mass for a few months now. Could this be the reason? Lack of spiritual nourishment. Maybe. Hopefully.
BEhind all of this sadness I have, still, I could still see some positive things. At least. I am not that nega naman. WHen I think of the many things that went wrong with my life, when I think of the many regrets and sorrows I have, when I think of the friends I lost, of the mistakes I have done, of the problems I have been struggling with, I realize that I am called to LIVE my life. TO be dynamic. To DO something to fix things. I see a major wake up call here. A call to heal the wounds of the past, to rethink my ways, to fix broken relationships, to face problems maturely, and to retrack back to way of righteous living: I see light beyond this dark, overwhelming darkness.
Nonetheless, this statement may be foolish. But I am somehow enjoying this sadness. Sometimes, PERHAPS, we have to feel sad. It will make us remain human. It will make us live our lives better. Voila to a life where we will see things move in the way we wish them to be, in a way that will make us even happier, more contented, more satisfied.
PS. I will still write more papers in Philosophy. :)
PSS. THanks for reading. haha. :) at least, my sadness was lessened after releasing it. :) or some of it. :)